Divorce: The Kind Way To Say Good-bye To Your Spouse

Saying good-bye doesn't have to be an exercise in cruelty. Remember, you vowed to love and cherish" this person forever, and although things have changed, you don't have to be mean about it. You should be honest, but you can be civil, too. Consider the following suggestions:

Before you break the news, remember that you have had some time to process your feelings. Your reasons for leaving may seem obvious to you, but they could be a real surprise to your spouse. When you are breaking bad news to someone, they have a right to some time to "get their brain around it.". I'm not talking about weeks, but a day or two to think things over would be a small concession, and could well pay off later when you are trying to work towards a fair settlement.

Don't give out hope of reconciliation if there is none. Going to a counselor together may be a good idea, but unless it's specifically marriage counseling, don't let your spouse think that you have any hope of repairing your marriage. If you do go to marriage counseling, work on your marriage. Don't go just to prove you're right about the relationship having failed. It's not very nice to lie to get what you want, and doing it can cause a lot of unnecessary hard feelings.

For the same reason, resist any urge to have sex with your spouse. If you are intimate with each other, you risk sending the message that you could change your mind about the divorce. It doesn't matter what you tell each other, sex has meaning in most peoples' minds, and no one likes being used to obtain it.

Don't brag about your significant other if there is one. No human relationship is perfect. In the first throws of romance, you are bound to be idealistic about the new person. Remember, you used to feel that way about your ex, so don't try to make them feel bad for lacking some quality you have found in the new squeeze. It is just rude, and it won't do a thing to make your divorce easier.

While we're on the subject, the new lover does not need to ride over to the house with you. He / she should not start answering your cell phone. His / her name should never appear on the child support checks, maintenance payments or gifts to the children. When your divorce is final, and you and your new love have established a life together, things will change. By then, everyone will have adjusted, and your new lover's presence won't feel so intrusive.

Being kind to a person who has hurt you may seem like a lot of work. If you or your children are being abused, leave as quickly as you can. However, if you just want to end your relationship, please do it respectfully. Then, you are more likely to be treated with respect in return. That will make it easier to start your new life, whatever it may be.

Author: Lucille Uttermohlen

Lucille Uttermohlen has been a family law attorney for 27 years. Her specialties include divorce, guardianship, paternity, adoption, probate and criminal law. For a free ebook on the divorce process, visit Lucille at www.couple-or-not.com